My Personal Cancer Journey — A Diploma is not Enough

I received a diploma for enduring radiation treatments for my cancer. I thought it was a joke, but they were very serious. I had accomplished something. The only problem — I don’t feel that I did anything to deserve praise. Sure, I endured. I withstood the onslaught of rays that passed through me and hopefully fried my largest tumor. But the toll on me was significant.

I feel as though the side effects from the radiation were more difficult to cope with than those from the chemotherapy that I have complained so much about. I have a queasiness that persists (even though radiation ended three days ago). I do not look forward to meals. In fact, I dread the thought of eating, not because I have vomited (because that only happened once), but because the possibility of getting sick always looms.

My digestive tract is a mess. I have never used more suppositories or eaten more prunes in my life than I have in the past three (3) weeks.

My daily life has become hum-drum and routine. I get up and after breakfast and my morning ritual which involves posting my blog, checking email and Facebook, I rest for at least an hour. Then, after lunch, I may run an errand or two before I rest again for a few hours. After that I have supper, watch some TV and go to bed. How boring!! However, the fatigue prevents me from doing much more.

Instead of a diploma, I need some hope that things will get better, now that the radiation treatments for my cancer are done.

 

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  • Donna Yosmanovich

    Gary, I am glad to hear you endured through the treatments! I hope you will be able to do more soon. I have some small idea of what you are going through (the part where you have a long road of healing and cannot do much in the meanwhile) from when I gave birth the second time. Sometimes it is not just a person’s physical endurance which is tested, but your mental fortitude as well. Maybe you can try to lose yourself for a few hours in a good book? That has always helped me pass time during the roughest patches.