My Personal Cancer Journey — Slow Motion

My life has slowed to a crawl. I feel that time has been slowed down so that my daily existence is in slow motion. What is going on? At first glance I feel that this is wonderful. If life is moving slower, then my time on Earth will be extended (albeit artificially) and that’s a good thing. But upon closer inspection, this phenomenon is more complicated. I think I notice that my life is slow motion because I am anxious to get on with my agenda, the things that I want to do before I die. However, activating my agenda involves a series of events which must occur before I can make the decisions necessary to begin certain things.

To clarify, I will offer an example. My job currently stands in the way of my freedom to take several trips which I have been planning. However, because I am loyal and conscientious, I want to leave the job in good hands and I want to train my successor. Unfortunately, at this point no one has been appointed to work with me, and I have to wait until my employer fills the position before I can begin to train someone. Thus, my plans remain in abeyance, hinging on events which are beyond my control. All I can do is wait, and try (not very easy for me) to be patient. I have to cool my jets, suck it up, and allow reality to take its course.

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